Village Inn Pie.
Look, I’m just gonna tell you how I make this Village Inn pie. The one they stopped selling. Don’t get me started on that again.
So my daughter, right? She’s been asking for it since October. October! And I remember being a kid and my mom taking us there after we’d go pick out the tree. You know that tired, cold, happy feeling? And then that pie would come out. Pink and white, cold, that chocolate crust crunching. Man.
When they stopped making it, I called a store. The kid was like “uhhh discontinued.” Just like that. Like it was nothing.
So I said fine. I’ll make it myself.
First time I tried I just threw cream cheese, Cool Whip, candy canes in a bowl. You know what that is? That’s not pie. That’s a dip. A sad pink dip. We ate it with spoons. My wife just looked at me.
Second time I followed some blog. They said no gelatin, just pudding. It set a little but when I cut it – flop. Like a sad pancake. The crust was fine but the filling just gave up after five minutes on the plate.
Third time oh this was bad. I used mint extract. I didn’t know mint and peppermint are different. Mint is that sharp, almost spicy one. Like toothpaste but wrong. Peppermint is sweet and cool, like candy cane. I used mint. My daughter took one bite and said “Daddy this tastes like mouthwash.” She was right. I threw it away.
Fourth time I tried gelatin but I was lazy. I just sprinkled the powder into the cold cream cheese. You ever bite into a smooth pie and feel a little hard lump? Like a piece of rubber? That’s undissolved gelatin. It’s disgusting. I wanted to cry.
Fifth time I crushed the candy canes in my food processor. Turned them into pink dust. The filling looked pretty all pink but there was no crunch. No little bits of candy cane to surprise you. My daughter said “where’s the crunch?” Kids don’t lie, man.
Sixth time I got it right. And here’s exactly what I did. No fancy steps. Just do what I did.
First, I took the cream cheese and butter out of the fridge. An hour before. I know you want to microwave it. Don’t. Cold cream cheese gives you lumps and you’ll be mixing forever. Just wait.
Then I made the crust. One pack of chocolate sandwich cookies. Not double stuffed. 36 of them. Threw them in the food processor. Made them into dirt. Poured them into a bowl. Melted half a cup of butter in a mug 30 seconds in the microwave. Poured it in. Mixed with my hands until it felt like wet sand. Pressed it into a 9-inch pie dish. Smashed it down with the bottom of a glass. Really smash it. Don’t be nice to it. Put it in the freezer.
Then I whipped some cream. One cup of heavy cream in a bowl. One teaspoon of peppermint extract check the bottle, make sure it says peppermint. Half a cup of powdered sugar. Whipped it until it stood up straight. Not floppy. If it turns grainy you went too far start over. I put that in the fridge.
Then the pudding. One small box of instant vanilla pudding the 3.4 ounce one. Not cook and serve. Whisked it with three quarters cup of whole milk. Got thick in about two minutes. Set it aside.
Then the gelatin. This is where everyone messes up. One and a half teaspoons of unflavored gelatin in a small cup. One tablespoon of hot water from the tap, not boiling. Stirred it until the water was clear and no little specks were floating. That takes maybe 30 seconds. If you see specks, microwave for five seconds and stir again. No specks. Specks become hard lumps and you will hate yourself.
Then in a big bowl I beat the softened cream cheese and softened butter together. Added another half cup of powdered sugar. Beat until fluffy. No lumps. About two minutes. Added the pudding. Added the dissolved gelatin. Beat again until smooth. Scraped the sides with a spatula.
Then I took that whipped cream from the fridge. Folded half of it into the cream cheese mixture. Not stirring folding. Spatula down the middle, scrape the bottom, bring it up and over. Turn the bowl. Do it again. Kept it light. Then I added half a cup of mini chocolate chips – not regular ones, they sink. Then a quarter cup of crushed candy canes. To crush them I put them in a ziploc bag and hit the bag with a rolling pin. Not too hard. You want little bits, not dust. Then I folded in the rest of the whipped cream.
The whole thing looked fluffy and pale pink. I tasted it. Tasted like a melted peppermint milkshake but thicker.
Took the crust out of the freezer. Poured the filling in. Spread it even. Then here’s a trick – I put plastic wrap right on top of the filling. Like touching it. That stops ice crystals from forming. Then I covered the whole dish and put it in the freezer.
Six hours. Overnight is better. Don’t keep opening the freezer to check. Just leave it.
When I was ready to serve, I made the topping. Two cups of heavy cream. Quarter cup of powdered sugar. Whipped until stiff. Spread it over the frozen pie. Crushed four more candy canes – again ziploc bag and rolling pin sprinkled on top.
Then I let the pie sit on the counter for ten minutes. If you cut it straight from the freezer you’ll need a saw. Ten minutes softens it just enough.
That was the one. My daughter took a bite and said “that’s it. That’s the one.” I almost cried.
Now let me tell you what can go wrong because something always goes wrong.
If your pie is too soft and won’t hold a slice you didn’t freeze long enough or your gelatin had specks. Nothing you can do now. Serve it in bowls. Next time freeze for eight hours and make sure that gelatin is clear.
If your whipped cream turns into liquid you overmixed or the cream was warm. Start over. And next time put your bowl and beaters in the freezer for ten minutes before you start. That helps.
If your crust crumbles not enough butter or you didn’t press hard enough. Add one more tablespoon of butter next time. For now just eat it with a spoon. Nobody’s gonna complain about eating pie with a spoon.
If you can’t taste the candy cane crunch you crushed them too fine. Just put more crushed candy canes on top. That fixes it.
If you see ice crystals on top – you didn’t put the plastic wrap directly on the filling. Scrape the crystals off with a knife before adding whipped cream. No big deal.
For storing keep it in the freezer. Without the topping it lasts a month. With the topping, eat it within a day because the whipped cream gets weird. So here’s what I do I freeze the pie without topping. Then when I want a slice, I whip fresh cream right then. Takes two minutes. Leftover slices I wrap each one in plastic and keep frozen. My daughter eats them straight from the freezer at 9pm and I pretend not to see.
One more thing and this is my secret. The original Village Inn pie didn’t have gelatin. They used some restaurant powder we can’t buy. So we have to use gelatin. But if your kitchen is warm like it’s summer or you have the heat on add an extra quarter teaspoon of gelatin. That extra little bit keeps the pie firm. I figured this out after my fourth fail when my kitchen was 80 degrees and my pie turned into soup.
Also? Toast the crust. Before you freeze it, put that crust in the oven at 350 for five minutes. Just five. Makes it taste like a baked chocolate cookie instead of raw Oreo. Village Inn didn’t do that. But I do. And that’s why my crust is better than theirs.
Alright. That’s it. That’s the whole thing. No fancy words. Just a guy who missed a pie, failed a bunch of times, and finally got it right.
Now go make it. And when your daughter says “this tastes like the real one” – you owe me a text.
Go on, Bubby. Get out of here. And don’t forget to soften that cream cheese. I mean it.
