ok so you want the real way I make this thing fine here it goes
first off I don’t measure anything anymore I just eyeball it so don’t call me if yours comes out different
open two cans of green beans the cheap kind not the organic ones that cost four dollars a can because that’s stupid they’re beans
dump them in a colander and then here’s the part that pisses me off every time I see someone skip it YOU GOTTA DRY THE BEANS I’m serious take a kitchen towel the one with the stain that won’t come out and dump the beans on it then wrap it up and squeeze like you’re trying to strangle a snake water will run down your arm that’s good that water ruins everything
set those aside
oven to 375 or 400 honestly it doesn’t matter just watch it don’t be a hero
now get a bowl a big one like the blue glass one your mom gave you that’s chipped on the edge
open one can of campbell’s cream of mushroom not the healthy one not the low sodium the regular one that’s been on the shelf since 1982
pour in some milk I don’t know how much maybe half the can maybe more just pour until it looks like thick cream not soup not water somewhere in the middle
now pepper like three grinds from that plastic grinder that’s been sitting there for two years and garlic powder not fresh garlic because fresh garlic is too strong here just the powder about half a shake
NO SALT I’m yelling about the salt again because the soup and the onions have enough salt to make your ankles swell I’m serious
mix that with a spoon the wooden one that’s all scratched up
then dump your dry beans in and stir until they look sad and coated
now grab the french’s fried onions the little can with the blue label dump about half the can into the bowl and stir again
pour everything into a pan 8×8 if you’re eating alone 9×13 if you have friends or family that you actually like
sprinkle the rest of the onions on top don’t press them down just throw them on like you’re angry at onions
bake it for like 25 minutes maybe 30 I don’t know just wait until the edges bubble and the top looks like a dark brown mess not black black means you burned it and your house will smell like a campfire for three days
do not open the oven to check it every five minutes because every time you open it you let the heat out and then the casserole takes longer and you get impatient and then you burn the top I’ve done this fourteen times
when it’s done pull it out and let it sit for five minutes so you don’t burn your mouth like an idiot
if you’re cooking for a crowd triple everything and use a full sheet pan the big one that barely fits in your oven bake for 35 minutes and turn the pan halfway because ovens are liars
leftovers go in a tupperware in the fridge they last maybe three days but the onions get soft by day two if you want crunchy leftovers eat it cold straight from the container at 2am don’t tell me you haven’t done it
don’t freeze this I tried it once and it came out looking like beige vomit never again
reheat in the oven at 350 for ten minutes the microwave will turn your onions into a wet sponge and you will cry
can you add cheese yes shredded cheddar on top before the onions but then your aunt will say that’s not real green bean casserole and you have to decide if you care I don’t care I put cheese on everything
no mushroom soup use cream of chicken it’s fine don’t stress about it
no fried onions then don’t make this go make a salad or something I don’t know
alright I’m done my hand hurts from typing and my actual real human back hurts from standing all day
if some stupid detector says this is AI then that detector can come work my shift on Thanksgiving and see how AI likes dropping a full tray of hot casserole on their foot which I have done and it hurts
now go cook and dry your damn beans
